The Elder Scrolls VI: Argonia

''tiHey, I just wanted to let you all know that this is an idea. So if you don't understand what I just said, this game is something that I (someone not from Bethesda) came up with. This game, is not in development (or it could be, for all I know) and is, well as a lot of you have told me, fake. So I apologise if you have been deceived by this article previously. Also, if you are the vandal that keeps vandalizing my article, please refrain from doing so. -Veta, September 30, 2014.''

The Elder Scrolls VI: Argonia The Halloween House is big and old. I'm told that on Halloween night things happen there. Now Suzie's moved in--she's only 4--along with her brother, her father and mother, and little Picador. He's their dog. Well, maybe half a dog. He's a Chihuahua, as small as they come.

Suzie's room is in the attic. It's no fun. With a high ceiling, cold and gloomy, and shadows that run halfway up the walls. Suzie hides under the blanket. Picador too. Come on, he's no guard dog.

Suzie's mom bought her a bear. A teddy bear named Teddy. He's big and fluffy and Suzie adores him. "I love you so much" she says. Then she wraps her arms around him, snuggling like a cat ready to purr while Picador buries himself in all that fur.

The Halloween House's attic may be scary, but Teddy's not. Around his neck he wears a blue scarf with red polka dots. On his back paws are black tennis shoes tied with lace and plenty of knots.

Something is silly about that teddy bear. He's got a goofy smile from ear to ear. It's kind of lopsided and sweet, although not quite complete. He was cheap when Suzie's mom bought him at the Dollar Store.

But his smile is always there.

When scratching and squeaking come from the walls,

Teddy smiles.

When clothes on the floor become strange figures in piles,

Teddy smiles.

When an invisible spider's miles of cobweb fades away in the morning,

Teddy smiles.

Tonight is Suzie's first Halloween at the Halloween House. She has finished her trick or treating, she did it earlier in the evening. She dressed up as a pumpkin with an orange glow--and now her two bags of candy overflow onto the floor.It's midnight and everyone's asleep. Not a peep, until suddenly there's a tapping at the door.

"Tap, tap....tap." It starts out soft and low and then changes into a steady beat, beat, beat as though a giant's heart is nudging the door.

Teddy smiles.

A thin mist streams from a crack in the corner, turns into a snake sliding across the floor.

Teddy smiles.

Next, at the window appears a witch 200 years old with a black hat hiding half her face and the wrinkles it holds. She slips right through the glass as though it isn't there at all. Once inside, she stands up, six feet tall.

Teddy smiles.

A long legged spider with big fangs drops from the ceiling and hangs only five feet over the bed where Suzie and Picador peacefully sleep.

The snake, the witch and the spider slither, creep and dangle closer, growing bigger as they go. They're up to no good. This can't be happening.

But Teddy is watching. He smiles no more. The upturned side of his lip droops down, while the other part of his lip lifts up. Teddy's smile turns into a snarl.

When the three monsters almost reach the bed, Teddy gets up. But more than that, he begins to grow, although much faster and bigger than they. His tennis shoes pop off and his scarf floats away. Sweet, smiling Teddy turns into a Grizzly bear, the biggest, meanest Grizzly of your imagination.

Standing on his back paws, stretched to the ceiling Teddy is terrifying. Fortunately, Suzie and Picador are still sleep.

The snake, the witch, and the spider stop growing. They stare at him. There's wonder and shock in their eyes. This is an unexpected surprise.

Then Teddy roars! It's so loud, it doesn't help to cover your ears. And the ghouls hear it. This Grizzly is beyond their worst fears. With a puff and a poof they disappear.

Suzie is instantly awake, her eyes big and round. With a frightened yip Picador bolts from under the covers trembling with dread. But they see nothing, nothing at all, because the monsters have fled.

And Teddy is suddenly Teddy again. How could that be? It happened so fast, there was nothing to see, except his shoes are across the room and his scarf is at the bottom of the bed.Gone is the snake. Gone is the witch. Gone is the spider and the beating heart at the door. It's quite obvious they'll never return. Nevermore. At least not to this Halloween House so long as this bear stays around and he will stay. Because he is loved.

You ready?

For Freddy?

Have no fear, Teddy's here.

...and he smiles.

Shrek is love

Shrek is life

A long time ago
It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet. Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy....

Amazing!
Argonia was contraceptualised shortly after the release of Skyrim in 2011. Work on Argonia did not begin until The Elder Scrolls: Online's release in 2014. Developers considered the game to be a spiritual successor to previous The Elder Scrolls games.

Argonia is powered by the Spud Engine developed by Spudigene Corp. Potato also uses Bethesda's own Creation Engine. GTA 9 Leaked footage also confirmed.

Races

 * Argonianation
 * Khajit
 * Dumb and Dunmer
 * Bosmer
 * Altmer
 * Imperial
 * Nord
 * Breton
 * Redguard
 * Orismer
 * Pornstar
 * Dolan
 * Gooby
 * Nicolas Cage
 * Yoda
 * Wolverene
 * Jesus
 * Satan
 * Satanic pornstar
 * Pokemon trainer
 * Farmer
 * Dragon Tamer
 * Furry
 * Douchebag
 * Gay guy
 * Lesbian
 * Shit disturber
 * Jew
 * Nazi
 * Hitler
 * Woody Lover
 * Horney guy
 * Rapist
 * Pedophile
 * Sexual Abuser
 * Beetle guy
 * Spderman
 * Gay Spiderman
 * Your Mother and me.
 * Golden Vagina
 * Edward Cullen
 * Brittany Spears
 * Lindsay Lohan
 * Jack Black
 * Spooky Scary Skeloton
 * General Pepper
 * Slippy toad's asshole
 * Playboy Bunny
 * Robocop
 * Godzilla's dick
 * Dirty Birdy
 * Crack Head
 * Gerry Forbes
 * Gary Busey
 * Nikki Minaj
 * Lana Del Rae
 * Mama June
 * Oprah Winfry
 * Dr. Phil
 * Sexualized Ponys
 * The master
 * Timelord
 * Bruce Lee
 * Gay Master
 * Master
 * Bater
 * Trucker
 * Uncle Fucker
 * Beastiality
 * Stool pusher
 * Your Father
 * A Nigger
 * Trailer Park Boys
 * Farmer
 * An asshole
 * Brogers
 * Furry
 * Brony
 * Hairy testies

One Handed Weapons
One handed weapons are faster depending on what type of weapon compared to two handed weapons. One handed weapons (Dagger, Sword, War Axe and Mace) can be duel wielded, at the cost of blocking.
 * Carrot
 * Dildo
 * Sword (Shortswords, Longswords, Katanas)
 * War Axe
 * Mace

Two Handed Weapons

 * Big Purple Dildo
 * Battleaxe
 * Warhammer
 * A Really Big Ass Weapon That Can Be Used To Shove Up Someones Ass Because It's A Really Big Ass Cock That Is Golden Just Like your Moms Penis

Two handed weapons are slower than one handed weapons, but they deal more damage depending on the weapon. Two handed weapons are Greatsword, Battleaxe, and Warhammer.

Ranged Weapons

 * Bow
 * 12 ft long woody launcher
 * Javelin

Ranged weapons can be used on an enemy from a distance. These weapons are the Bow, Crossbow, Javelin (throwing spear) and Shuriken. Most ranged weapons require ammunition, such as arrows or bolts. Javelins and Shurikens are used up when thrown, but can be picked back up sometimes.

Smithing Materials
Light Armor/Weapons
 * Hide, furry
 * Leather,furry
 * Furry
 * Studded,muffin
 * Elven,eleven
 * Chainmail,mailman
 * Scaled,scaley bitches
 * Glass, smash dat shit
 * Wyrmscale, the fuck?

Heavy Armor/Weapons

 * Iron
 * Steel
 * Bone
 * Nordic
 * Dwemer
 * Orcish
 * Ebony
 * Daedric

Skill Trees
COMBAT Guerrilla is the use of Guerrilla Warfare, which can include drowning enemies in the swamp, or using the environment to win a battle. Ranger is the use of ranged weapons other than Bows and Crossbows.
 * Hump
 * Throw something
 * Two Handed
 * Archery
 * Heavy Armor
 * Guerrilla
 * Ranger

MAGIC Proficiency is total Magicka and Magicka Regen, Serenity is how a Magic spell is conducted, and may have additional effects if this tree is upgraded.
 * Alteration
 * Conjuration
 * Destructionation
 * Restoration
 * Illusionation
 * Proficiencyation
 * Serenityation
 * Masterbation

STEALTH Using the C stick on the gamecube controller will allow you to look around, however you have to use the A button the the NES controller in order to jump. But you will also need the Atari 5600 controller, but be careful! If you use the xbox controller, your mom will get fucked by mr. peewee herman.
 * Sneak
 * Stalk
 * Rape time
 * Thief
 * Sexy
 * Sexual Predator
 * Hide in the locker <--- My Highschool career
 * Light Armor
 * Assassassin
 * Locksmith

ABILITY Charisma is speech skill from Skyrim. Command allows you to perform additional actions with your follower. Resilience is your resistance to damage and poisons/diseases. Transformation is the skill that covers all skills that is not as your normal player, such as a werewolf.
 * Enchanting
 * Alchemy
 * Charisma
 * Command
 * Speed
 * Transformation

Hello,

'''The time of proving is upon you. Use the big purple dildo, and prove to them that you are worthy of the bitches. You'll get all dem horny, sexy, masterbation loving you desire.'''

Good luck,

- Adam Sandler

Why the fuck would you want to play this game? Elder scrolls is shit compared to Bill Gates, literally this game is the definition of gay homogenous, my testicles rose because of this game. Thanks a lot you dicks, but I kinow a lot of you out there dont care, cause only one testicle dropped for you guys.