VG Review - Sonic the Hedgehog 2006

My heart is pounding... My palms are sweaty... My lips are constantly moving on their own for no apparent reason... I think I know why... It was one Sonic game that lied to all of us. Around November 2006, Sega promised us a sweet 15 for Sonic the Hedgehog and wanted to release a 3D remake of the classic Genesis title, making it have some sort of connection to the Adventure series. It was, in fact, what you wanted to call, "epic"... But Sonic '06, however, could not deserve that description and was considered one of the worst Sonic titles in history! This review is dedicated to Sonic the Hedgehog for the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 consoles, and talks all about my hatred for it... Let's begin.

Ah, Sonic the Hedgehog 2006... Sonic Team wanted this game in the zone by developing it. At first, many fans claimed that this would be an awesome game, after the atrociousity that is Shadow the Hedgehog (the addition of guns, vehicles, and a godawful plot ruined it!) and the somewhat decency of Sonic Heroes (it's a good game, don't get me wrong... Just two complaints: camera issues and not enough content.) At times, I can be very picky when it comes to 3D Sonic titles... Overall, most of them can actually do it for me except this and Shadow the Hedgehog... So moving along!

Sonic '06 has a tendency of sharing its name with two earlier video games, a manga, a television series, a comic book series, and of course, the titular protagonist, the blue blur, Sonic, himself... Sega was pretty damn lazy naming this installment. At its finest, it utilizes the Havok Physics engine, and from what I've heard... It's a load of horse vomit! So the gameplay is just like any standard 3D Sonic game: play through stages with a certain character, encounter various obstacles and help markers, and then get to the goal ring to achieve your ranking... But OH, NOES, there's something added in: during the course of Action Stages, you receive help from an amigo character (Tails and Knuckles for Sonic, Rouge and Omega for Shadow, and Amy and Blaze for Silver), all of whom have butchered abilities that made no real comeback compared to early titles. Wanna know something more retarded??? The HUB Worlds here a fine piece of work... NOT!!! Most of them are filled with townspeople who just really like annoying the fuck out of the player with their Town Missions, and they are completely generic and unsatisfying enough to make almost a thousand unicorns die of embarrassment! And as if Sega and Sonic Team trolled you already, you're not gonna believe the terrible collision detection and overall glitchiness of this rushed title... Did some individual with Down Syndrome tell Sonic Team to make this?! The loading times are also atrocious and appear everywhere in this god-forsaken entry of the main Sonic series... Overall, the 360 port is at least slightly better than the PS3 version (the frame rates drop a little more and the loading times are about thirty seconds longer than usual.)

Now the plot--- Oh my God, the plot, is just... Just... Horrible is the only word to describe it. Sonic, Shadow, and Silver have three respective storylines that you are expected to play through, and once you've done all three of them, you encounter the Last Story game and if all of this is over, you are extremely happy you've finished... Because you don't wanna play this sorry excuse of a Sonic title, again! Yet, the main storyline to top it all off is just full of cheesiness and awful purposes... Sonic's story has to do with him and the bizarre, boneheaded relationship with Princess Elise of Soleanna (though you have to admit, it's not as poor as you think when it has nothing to do with Chris Thorndyke, and that's right, Sonic X reference again... God even in the Japanese version, I hate that show!), Shadow's story only picks up after Shadow the Hedgehog and has to do with the latter coming face-to-face with Mephiles the Dark, a being of darkness who is voiced by the almighty Dan Green... At least one redeeming factor about this steaming pile of ass! But Silver the Hedgehog is one new character (other than the Babylon Rogues) that makes me wanna punch Sonic Team and Sega for: The latter is a 14-year-old white hedgehog from a devastated future 200 years who is obnoxiously annoying for his voice, slow speed during gameplay, and overall, a disturbing design (WHAT SONIC CHARACTER HAS A WEED PLANT AS A HEAD?!!!?!?!?!)

The only two things that I can actually say that seems passable for this game (*cough* other than Dan Green *cough*) are the visuals and the music... Like with any other Sonic installment, the music is one aspect that never truly distracts a fan or two. Pretty nice for this game, but I'd rather wish that the classic 16-bit sound could just return (Sonic Colors/Sonic Generations FTW!). But in all honesty, this game is a piece of shit and Sonic Team could measure that up well... Now I know how much Sonic Genesis, Sonic Drift 1 and 2 and Sonic Labyrinth were bad, but they still hadn't matched up to Sonic '06's own potential... Of sucking! So in all opinion-wise, this is going to be my lowest ranking score of any Sonic title--- NO! Even reviewed game on this Wiki: I, Ouroburos.TheNewSaurian, lets Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 off with a 1.0 out of 10 warning, which means this game is dangerous and stay far away from it... This is my advice only!

Pros

 * The voice cast isn't too bad, but leave less of a fortune compared to the Japanese voice acting
 * Major Dan Green... 'Nuff said
 * The visuals look stunning and overall beautiful to look at
 * Again, the music is something to always look forward to...

Cons

 * My drill is the drill that will pierce through the awful loading times (especially the PlayStation 3 version; this was actually a Gurren Lagann reference, 'cept for the "awful loading times" part)
 * I'll take Silver the Hedgehog... AND EAT HIM! (Death Note reference)
 * The price is wrong, Sega... And so is the separate storylines
 * Too much bad collision detection
 * The Town Missions are redundant
 * I have come here to chew glitches and kick ass... And I'm all out of glitches (No, seriously... Some of the glitches are really that dense; They Live/Duke Nukem reference)
 * The playable characters and the amigo help is just so butchered I can't even see anymore... Adios, amigos!