CRG Reviews: Shaq Fu

''I managed to play a little bit of this game after listening to how bad it is by many YouTube stars and in print in stuff like GameInformer, so, like my review of Batman Forever, pleased be advised of some... er, suggestive language throughout.''
 * Name: Shaq Fu
 * Publisher: Electronic Arts
 * Developer: Delphine Software International
 * Platform: Super NES
 * Release: 1994
 * Genre: Fighting
 * Players: 1-2 (dependimg on if you can get someone to play with you)
 * ESRB: Possibly T

Review
When I first heard of a retro fighting game featuring Shaquille O'Neal fighting baddies, I was impressed. That is until I saw gameplay footage of it on YouTube. Of course, I didn't believe the reviews at first, most notably by AVGN (Angry Video Game Nerd). That all changed when I downloaded it on my tablet and played it for myself. Needless to say, it was a mess, and that doesn't even begin to describe it.

First off, the most common complaint: the controls. In my review on Batman Forever, I mentioned that its controls were very bad. The same goes for here, only that in Shaq Fu, they are so... freakin'... unresponsive and goddamn sloppy. I always heard the Sega Genesis version was more pleasing in this issue, and I have no choice but to agree.

Next, we have the story. It's not bad, but its potential was ruined by the controls. In the story, Shaq travels to Japan to attend a charity basketball game in Tokyo, but accidentally wanders into a dojo and has to fight many weird characters. Like I said, this story had potential, but the controls, and almost everything else bad about the game, fucks this story up the hypothetical ass.

The other characters aren't bad, THEY ARE EXTREMELY UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! There's a mummy, a catgirl, and a godforsaken ugly priest, just to name a few. It was a good thing the Super NES version had less of these characters.

I've only heard so little of the music, but it's a good thing it's not very memorable like Guile's SFII theme, to name a prominent example. For your information, I love the DK rap more than this game's shitty tunes, and to a lot of people besides me (since I actually like the DK rap), that's saying a whole fucking lot.

The only thing I haven't talked about yet is the graphics, and they pale in comparison to many other games on the SNES, good and bad. Plus, I don't think we'll ever forget this game, and the question is: WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?!!!??!!!

Key Components

 * Graphics- 6.2
 * Gameplay- 2.2
 * Controls- 0.1
 * Sound- 2.8
 * Entertainment- 0.2
 * Replay Value- 0.0

Final Score and Final Words
And the results are......................

1.9 (Total Piece of S***)

I've heard that they're making a sequel to this game from Wikipedia. Let's hope it's better than this fucking attrocity. Much better.

-Joshua Garriga (a.k.a. ComicReadingGamer)